Missing

Alcoholic and absent.  Two words that describe my grandma perfectly. I saw her twice, once when I was 5 and the other when I was 21.  I vividly remember both encounters.  She chose not to come to my mom's wedding and 24 years later chose not to come to mine.  Not only was she absent in my life, but, perhaps more importantly, absent in my mom's.  Alcoholism, what an unbelievable disease that warps one's mind in such a way that children and grandchildren come second to the bottle.  By God's grace I have no bitterness toward her.  

I never felt as though something in my life was missing.  I am blessed by two amazing and loving parents, perhaps that's why I did not feel a void in my heart for a grandma.  However, now that she's gone I feel as though something IS missing...her. She has always been absent so why do I feel like this now?  In the depths of my soul was a hope that someday, somehow she would show up. Not physically, but emotionally, as a grandma. One who loves you, one who knows you, one who sends you birthday cards with cats on them.  Now that she's gone the hope also fades.  The hope that she would be a part of my life.  My own flesh and blood, a stranger no more.  It will never happen.  Brain and lung cancer consumed her body faster than anyone expected.  The void that was never there has made its appearance. As long as she was alive, there was a chance...an opportunity for a miracle.  As I type I realize there are many miracles in the midst of it all.  My mom, who never felt loved by her own mom, has loved me unconditionally. She did not have an example of a mom yet she continues to be the best one I could ever hope for.  

The funeral is tomorrow.  I am not going.  I wonder what others will say about the grandma I never knew.        

So tiny

Tiny shoes for tiny feet. Jonathan and I braved the crowd today and went to the M.O.M.S. (mothers of multiples society) Sale.  It's pretty much a massive garage sale of baby stuff.  They had everything from strollers to shoes---and if you dig deep, you can find brand new stuff. We got a lot for a little so it was definitely worth it.  I can't wait for the little man to sport the goods we found. :)

Visitors

Last weekend Kim and Dave were here from San Diego.  It was great to have them in CO.  Kim actually came out midweek for work and Dave flew out for the weekend.  We did some of the touristy things we do with most of our visitors: Red Rocks, downtown, the capitol...They also wanted to see a cute little mountain town so we headed up to Breckenridge.  Thanks for coming guys, we had a fantastic time!  We LOVE visitors!  Hopefully our next ones will not have to sleep on the floor of our living room.  

Breckenridge

Dave and Jonathan posing on a giant piece of art in downtown Denver

Kim and I at Red Rocks

28 weeks

I have been a slow blogger lately...this pic is from a week ago.  I am officially in the third trimester!  Our little guy will be here before we know it!  I cannot believe how fast this pregnancy has gone.  I feel like it was yesterday that I was staring at the positive test in disbelief.  He continues to be a mover (which I love) and he gets the hiccups every once in a while too.  Simple things like putting on shoes and shaving my legs have taken on a whole new meaning with a big belly in the way.  Jonathan and I have started our "Childbirth Preparation" class. We are learning a lot and watching some crazy videos of live births.  I am also doing prenatal yoga...considering I don't have any yoga experience, it has been quite the adventure.  Things are going well, including our appointments, which is a huge blessing!

Showered with love

Just over a week ago, on August 2nd, I had my first baby shower!  I have been to many, but it was pretty crazy to be the one opening the gifts.  Jonathan's mom and aunt were gracious enough to put the whole thing together and it was fabulous!  It was so fun to have friends and family together to celebrate this little miracle inside me.  It made me even more excited for the arrival of our baby boy. To those of you who came, thank you so much!  You made it a perfect celebration and I really appreciate your love and generosity.  Mama Carol and Aunt Jan, you two are awesome!  Thank you for making it all happen! Mom, thank you for being there, especially on your anniversary!  I did not take a single picture on my camera, so those of you that did, send them my way.   

4 years and counting...

I can't believe it was 4 years ago today that I was walking down the aisle toward my soon-to-be husband.  Little did I know what I would be getting myself into (wink, wink).  What I should say is that Jonathan has been a better husband than I ever dreamed of.  He is absolutely amazing!  He loves me in such an authentic way, accepting me for who I am, not who he wants me to be.  I am so thankful for him, the memories we've shared, and the ones we will create.  Happy anniversary!  The pic: last year we decided to start a tradition and get each other shoes for each anniversary.  Jonathan said he had to make an exception this year because I'm pregnant.  I stuck with the shoes and he hooked me up with a Petunia diaper bag I have been eyeing for months!  What a guy! :)

It's all good in my hood

I had the chance to visit Laci at the end of July... FINALLY!   She had twin boys in February and I told her I would try to make it out during the summer to see the new additions.  I also got to meet her two-year-old, Mackenzi, who is hilarious!  We were in Target and we passed some lotion, "Awww, lotion, so cute, mommy."  In the car Kenzi would either be talking or singing (sometimes to the Wiggles and other times on her own).  My personal favorite was "Old McDonald had a charm" and her "Memo (Nemo) dance."  She cracks me up!  The twins, Quinn and Jace, are pretty much the cutest little things I have ever seen. They are such good babies!  It was pretty incredible to see Laci in action!  She is an amazing mom and I have so much respect for her patience and love for all 3 of her babies.  She is so calm and confident in all she does and says to them, she provides boundaries, but also has a ton of fun, she puts her heart and soul into her family--it was impressive.  My words cannot do it justice, you have to see it!  We also met up with a good friend of ours from high school, Christina, who is expecting a baby boy in October.  I didn't have my camera when we visited her, but she looks fantastic!  Then, we met Danielle and her little girl, Gracie, for lunch.  I was so glad I was able to see them too. The last time I saw Gracie she was a tiny baby.  Danielle and I have been friends through it all.  She is an amazing person and continues to be an amazing friend.  I also got to see Dana, Laci's sister, and her family. Dana and I ran track together in high school.  She looks great and it was fun to spend time with her.  I never thought it would feel weird to be back in the place I grew up.  I spent more than half of my life in Covina, but it feels like it has been a lifetime since I've been there.  It has not changed much in appearance yet it feels different.  I suppose it's me that's different, not the place.  Laci and Matt, thank you for allowing me to stay with you.  I had a wonderful time!  Lace, I think we turned out okay for growing up in the ghetto! :)   

Danielle and Gracie...Danielle and I have been friends for over 20 years!  Her daughter is a beauty.

Laci...We have been friends since junior high and she is fabulous!

Mackenzi...this little girl has more personality than you can imagine.  I love it!

Laci and Jace.  He loves his mama...look at his little hand on her face.  So cute!

Quinn...he is the feisty one!  He likes to move and groove.

Jace...he just chills.  He's the bigger of the two.  When Lace let me help (which wasn't often), I would carry Quinn because Jace is such a big boy!

Kenzi after the pool.  She is quite the little swimmer!

Such happy boys!  Jace and Quinn playing and drooling.