Loving Two

The other night, Jonathan and I took Camden out for a dinner date while Grammy stayed with Parker. We started talking to another couple who had a toddler and one on the way (she had 4 weeks to go). She told me to look up a poem called "Loving Two." It made her cry. It made me cry too. This is for you, Camden James. Mommy loves you!

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me.” And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. Author Unknown

1 week ago...

...this sweet boy joined our family!

I cannot believe a week has gone by since our little Parker arrived. We just love him! Here are a few things we have learned about our baby boy:

He...

• does not like his diaper changed! It's a bit chilly!
• likes his hands by his face
• burps and "toots" like a man! He grunts, pushes, and wiggles to make it happen!
• has a cold nose!
• can sleep through his big bro's marching, music playing, running, yelling, etc...thankfully!
• likes to suck. Unlike Camden, he might be a binky boy.
• gets the hiccups all the time--just like he did in mama's belly
• has a strong grip
• is ticklish on his back and sides
• does great sleeping in between feedings at night
• is very alert. Camden was still so sleepy at a week old, but Parker has been wide-eyed since he came out!
• can bust out of a swaddle in no time!

It's so fun to experience all of the newborn things again. One of my personal faves is the unintentional smile in his sleep. Love that!

Parker Reid Bentley

Parker Reid Bentley joined our family on January 23, 2011 at 8:31am. He weighed 8 lbs 13 oz and measured 21.5 inches--over 2 pounds heavier and 2.5 inches longer than Camden (those extra few weeks of being prego made a difference)! We are so in love with our baby boy! Here's the story of our adventure of bringing him into this world...

Jonathan's mom and step-dad arrived on January 19th. We felt like Parker was going to join us soon and wanted the peace of mind of knowing Camden was taken care of (we had some amazing friends offer to take him, but didn't want to inconvenience them with a middle of the night call). On Friday night, the 21st, I went in to L&D because I thought I was leaking amniotic fluid...false alarm. Saturday, the 22nd, I wasn't feeling so great all day. I was uncomfortable, having contractions here and there, and just felt "off." We were on our way to Cactus for dinner when I started having some decent contractions, but they were inconsistent. Then, at dinner, I felt the kind of contraction that isn't unbearable, but makes you wince a bit. Following that, there was a small gush of fluid (sorry guys). Then, the fluid continued to trickle. We didn't have our food and after the false alarm the night before, I didn't want to make a big deal about it. I called L&D when we got home and they thought I should come in again. This time the nurse came back in and said, "Time to have this baby!" My water did break. Around 11pm they moved us to a room (from triage) where my IV was inserted, I answered some questions about my pregnancy and personal health, and we settled in. At this point I was dilated to a one and about 50% effaced (my doc told me 70% at my last appt and the nurse said, "He was being generous.") The nurse, Brenda, estimated an afternoon baby. I started walking the halls around 1am. I was tired, but I had envisioned myself walking the halls with Camden and wasn't allowed to, so I was determined to do it for a bit this time. I came back and tried to sleep, no luck. The contractions became more intense around 3am (I think). I was having some major back pain, so I hopped in the shower. All of a sudden it went from relaxing to painful. The water actually hurt...felt like needles on my back to be honest. I sat on the birthing ball. Umm, no thank you. Once again, Jonathan was told to rub my back by the nurse and once again, I told him not to touch me. Poor guy! The nurse moved the bed so I could be on my knees while hugging a pile of pillows-that worked for a while. I then moved to my side. Around 7 something I got up to use the bathroom and felt the need to push. My body was pushing and I couldn't make it stop. I went back to the bed and found out I was a 9+, they would call my doc soon. I started pushing at 7:50am. Dr. Paley showed up just after 8. He was cheering me on, then suddenly stopped and just watched the monitor. I knew something wasn't right. Parker's heartrate was dropping. I continued to push and said, "I'm so tired" to which Paley responded, "So is this baby, we need to get him out!" I was determined to do it! I gave it all I had! Parker's head was out and he wasn't making any noise and he looked bluish-gray (from what I could see in the mirror). His cord was around his neck and had to be cut before they could pull the rest of him out. Distraught, I asked if he was okay and was assured he was. Parker came out, was suctioned, and began to cry a little bit before they placed him on my chest...amazing! What an incredible feeling! The love bursting from my heart is indescribable! He is the perfect addition to our family.

I later found out that he was sunny side up (hence the head and my extreme back pain). The nurses said that many women have C-sections in these cases--the combo of being sunny side up and a big baby. I was thankful to avoid that route. I was also very thankful to not be induced so I could have the labor I wanted...epidural free! It was an incredible experience. We were blessed by this adventure with a healthy baby boy!

So in love!

He received a zero for color on his Apgar testing...you can see why!

Tiny feet!

You're looking at the head of a sunny side up baby! It's rough coming out that way...for baby and mama!

I love my boys!

Watching over his baby bro.

So kissable!

An attempt at tummy time.

Snazzy

Dylan (our nephew) and Camden needed jackets for the winter. So, Sara and I thought that would be the perfect gift for us to buy our nephews for Christmas. We decided to send them a bit early so they could use them asap. Camden put his on and didn't want to take it off. He loves it and we think he looks pretty snazzy!

11.15.10

Lego Boat

Camden hasn't quite mastered how to build things with Legos (other than really high "towers"), but he loves it when we make something he can play with. Here he is with a Lego boat. Please note the lips--he's making some serious boat noises!

Time to hit the floor for some serious playing!

Stretching out

There are the lips!

Still going!

"Camden, where are your slippers?"

So funny!

Silly face!
11.17.10

Rewind to Thanksgiving

I wasn't kidding when I said I was behind on blogging! Here are some Thanksgiving pics...wow. We were so grateful to have Jonathan's mom and step-dad with us for our first turkey day in Washington. We had a fabulous time and the food was delicious (thanks to Jonathan, Mama, and Eric). Camden loved the Macy's Parade, making GG proud! Thanks for coming you two, we're so glad you did!

Camden helping Mommy with the graham cracker crust for a dessert

Sample time!

He is playing an instrument while watching a band

Parade watching with Papa and GG

Mom and son fixing up the turkey

Camden checking out the finished product...yum!

The bird

Reading with GG

Painting with Papa

Camden is helping Papa find his little car that went under the stove

Before they left, Papa and GG gave Camden a guitar ornament (and it plays a song when you push a button). You can tell by his face that he loves it!

Playing his little "tar"

Prego-week 38

Wow! I can't believe I actually had to make a sign with "38 weeks" on it! Crazy! Now I know what people were talking about when they said, "You are so lucky you skipped the last month...I was so uncomfortable!" I'm pretty much there! It's getting harder and harder to do everyday things (like put my shoes on), it takes me a really long time to fall asleep, I'm up many times a night to go to the bathroom--and then, again, it takes me a really long time to fall back asleep, and I'm pretty sure my face gets chubbier if I just look at food! On top of being uncomfortable, I'm sick. Ugh! Camden had croup, Jonathan got a cold, and now it's my turn. I'm super congested which isn't helpful when it's already difficult to breath! However, I am savoring these last couple of weeks...or days...of pregnancy. I LOVE feeling our sweet boy move, I still love being pregnant, and I'm getting really excited to meet this little feller!

01.14.11